Saturday, October 24, 2009

How Not to Write About Africa, by Binyavanga Wainaina :Narrated by Djimon Hounsou

Binyavanga Wainaina



Wainaina (born 1971) is a Kenyan author, journalist and winner of the Caine Prize.

Wainaina was born in Nakuru in Rift Valley province. He attended Moi Primary School in Nakuru, Mangu High School in Thika, and Lenana School in Nairobi. He later studied commerce at the University of Transkei in South Africa, after which he worked in Cape Town for some years as a freelance food and travel writer.

In July 2002 he won the Caine Prize for African Writing for his short story ”Discovering Home”.

He is the founding editor of KWANI, the first literary magazine in East Africa since Transition Magazine. Since its founding, Kwani has since become an important source of new writing from Africa; with several writers having been nominated for, and having won, the Caine Prize subsequently.

In 2003, he was given an award by the Kenya Publisher’s Association, in recognition of his services to Kenyan Literature. He has written for The EastAfrican, National Geographic, The Sunday Times (South Africa), Granta, the New York Times and The Guardian (UK).
He is presently a Writer-in-Residence at Union College in Schenectady, NY (USA), where he is teaching, lecturing and working on a novel.

In January 2007, Binyavanga Wainaina was nominated by the World Economic Forum as a ”Young Global Leader” - an award given to people for ”their potential to contribute to shaping the future of the world.” He subsequently declined the award.

In a letter to Klaus Schwab and Queen Rania of Jordan, he wrote:
”I assume that most, like me, are tempted to go anyway because we will get to be ‘validated’ and glow with the kind of self-congratulation that can only be bestowed by very globally visible and significant people,” he wrote. “And we are also tempted to go and talk to spectacularly bright and accomplished people – our “peers.” We will achieve Global Institutional Credibility for our work, as we have been anointed by an institution that many countries and presidents bow down to.
“The problem here is that I am a writer. And although, like many, I go to sleep at night fantasizing about fame, fortune and credibility, the thing that is most valuable in my trade is to try, all the time, to keep myself loose, independent and creative…it would be an act of great fraudulence for me to accept the trite idea that I am “going to significantly impact world affairs.”
Wainaina has collected over 13,000 recipes from around Africa and is an expert on traditional and modern African cuisines.


He is also the author of “How not to write about Africa” which is a satire piece, it has become Binyavanga’s most important work and is pursued to promote the Africa that most often is not embraced. He exposes the cliches and stereotypes that non african writers employ all too often when they set out to describe the African continent.



The impact from this profound piece has even caught the attention of Benin born actor and model, Djimon Gaston Hounsou. This satire piece has awakened different opinions and some controversies along the way.






Djimon Hounsou



How Not to Write About Africa

Always use the word 'Africa' or 'Darkness' or 'Safari' in your title. Subtitles may include the words 'Zanzibar', 'Masai', 'Zulu', 'Zambezi', 'Congo', 'Nile', 'Big', 'Sky', 'Shadow', 'Drum', 'Sun' or 'Bygone'. Also useful are words such as 'Guerrillas', 'Timeless', 'Primordial' and 'Tribal'.

Note that 'People' means Africans who are not black, while 'The People' means black Africans.
Never have a picture of a well-adjusted African on the cover of your book, or in it, unless that African has won the Nobel Prize.

An AK-47, prominent ribs, naked breasts: use these. If you must include an African, make sure you get one in Masai or Zulu or Dogon dress.

In your text, treat Africa as if it were one country. It is hot and dusty with rolling grasslands and huge herds of animals and tall, thin people who are starving. Or it is hot and steamy with very short people who eat primates.

Don't get bogged down with precise descriptions. Africa is big: fifty-four countries, 900 million people who are too busy starving and dying and warring and emigrating to read your book. The continent is full of deserts, jungles, highlands, savannahs and many other things, but your reader doesn't care about all that, so keep your descriptions romantic and evocative and unparticular.
Make sure you show how Africans have music and rhythm deep in their souls, and eat things no other humans eat.

Do not mention rice and beef and wheat; monkey-brain is an African's cuisine of choice, along with goat, snake, worms and grubs and all manner of game meat. Make sure you show that you are able to eat such food without flinching, and describe how you learn to enjoy it—because you care.

Taboo subjects: ordinary domestic scenes, love between Africans (unless a death is involved), references to African writers or intellectuals, mention of school-going children who are not suffering from yaws or Ebola fever or female genital mutilation.

Throughout the book, adopt a sotto voice, in conspiracy with the reader, and a sad I-expected-so-much tone. Establish early on that your liberalism is impeccable, and mention near the beginning how much you love Africa, how you fell in love with the place and can't live without her.

Africa is the only continent you can love—take advantage of this. If you are a man, thrust yourself into her warm virgin forests. If you are a woman, treat Africa as a man who wears a bush jacket and disappears off into the sunset. Africa is to be pitied, worshipped or dominated. Whichever angle you take, be sure to leave the strong impression that without your intervention and your important book, Africa is doomed.

Your African characters may include naked warriors, loyal servants, diviners and seers, ancient wise men living in hermitic splendour. Or corrupt politicians, inept polygamous travel-guides, and prostitutes you have slept with. The Loyal Servant always behaves like a seven-year-old and needs a firm hand; he is scared of snakes, good with children, and always involving you in his complex domestic dramas.

The Ancient Wise Man always comes from a noble tribe (not the money-grubbing tribes like the Gikuyu, the Igbo or the Shona). He has rheumy eyes and is close to the Earth. The Modern African is a fat man who steals and works in the visa office, refusing to give work permits to qualified Westerners who really care about Africa. He is an enemy of development, always using his government job to make it difficult for pragmatic and good-hearted expats to set up NGOs or Legal Conservation Areas. Or he is an Oxford-educated intellectual turned serial-killing politician in a Savile Row suit. He is a cannibal who likes Cristal champagne, and his mother is a rich witch-doctor who really runs the country.

Among your characters you must always include The Starving African, who wanders the refugee camp nearly naked, and waits for the benevolence of the West. Her children have flies on their eyelids and pot bellies, and her breasts are flat and empty. She must look utterly helpless. She can have no past, no history; such diversions ruin the dramatic moment. Moans are good. She must never say anything about herself in the dialogue except to speak of her (unspeakable) suffering.

Also be sure to include a warm and motherly woman who has a rolling laugh and who is concerned for your well-being. Just call her Mama. Her children are all delinquent. These characters should buzz around your main hero, making him look good. Your hero can teach them, bathe them, feed them; he carries lots of babies and has seen Death. Your hero is you (if reportage), or a beautiful, tragic international celebrity/aristocrat who now cares for animals (if fiction).

Bad Western characters may include children of Tory cabinet ministers, Afrikaners, employees of the World Bank. When talking about exploitation by foreigners mention the Chinese and Indian traders. Blame the West for Africa's situation. But do not be too specific.
Broad brushstrokes throughout are good.

Avoid having the African characters laugh, or struggle to educate their kids, or just make do in mundane circumstances. Have them illuminate something about Europe or America in Africa. African characters should be colourful, exotic, larger than life—but empty inside, with no dialogue, no conflicts or resolutions in their stories, no depth or quirks to confuse the cause.

Describe, in detail, naked breasts (young, old, conservative, recently raped, big, small) or mutilated genitals, or enhanced genitals. Or any kind of genitals. And dead bodies. Or, better, naked dead bodies. And especially rotting naked dead bodies.

Remember, any work you submit in which people look filthy and miserable will be referred to as the 'real Africa', and you want that on your dust jacket. Do not feel queasy about this: you are trying to help them to get aid from the West.

The biggest taboo in writing about Africa is to describe or show dead or suffering white people.

Animals, on the other hand, must be treated as well rounded, complex characters. They speak (or grunt while tossing their manes proudly) and have names, ambitions and desires. They also have family values: see how lions teach their children? Elephants are caring, and are good feminists or dignified patriarchs. So are gorillas. Never, ever say anything negative about an elephant or a gorilla. Elephants may attack people's property, destroy their crops, and even kill them. Always take the side of the elephant. Big cats have public-school accents. Hyenas are fair game and have vaguely Middle Eastern accents. Any short Africans who live in the jungle or desert may be portrayed with good humour (unless they are in conflict with an elephant or chimpanzee or gorilla, in which case they are pure evil).

After celebrity activists and aid workers, conservationists are Africa's most important people. Do not offend them. You need them to invite you to their 30,000-acre game ranch or 'conservation area', and this is the only way you will get to interview the celebrity activist. Often a book cover with a heroic-looking conservationist on it works magic for sales.

Anybody white, tanned and wearing khaki who once had a pet antelope or a farm is a conservationist, one who is preserving Africa's rich heritage. When interviewing him or her, do not ask how much funding they have; do not ask how much money they make off their game.

Never ask how much they pay their employees.

Readers will be put off if you don't mention the light in Africa. And sunsets, the African sunset is a must. It is always big and red. There is always a big sky. Wide empty spaces and game are critical—Africa is the Land of Wide Empty Spaces.

When writing about the plight of flora and fauna, make sure you mention that Africa is overpopulated. When your main character is in a desert or jungle living with indigenous peoples (anybody short) it is okay to mention that Africa has been severely depopulated by Aids and War (use caps).

You'll also need a nightclub called Tropicana, where mercenaries, evil nouveau riche Africans and prostitutes and guerrillas and expats hang out.

Always end your book with Nelson Mandela saying something about rainbows or renaissances. Because you care.


To watch Djimon's video click HERE


Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, October 23, 2009

First Family Portrait

(*click to enlarge the photo)


President Barack Obama, First Lady Michelle Obama, and their daughters, Sasha and Malia, have released their First Official Family portrait.


It was shot by famed photographer Annie Leibovitz in the Green Room of the White House .



I love this picture.


Different ways to relax




A weekend spa retreat sounds heavenly, doesn’t it? Two days of complete and total tranquility…OK, who are we kidding? Between work, the kids and the bank account, who can possibly pull this off? Good news: You don’t really need one to relax and rejuvenate. With practice, you can boost your well-being practically anywhere, anytime. These easy, no-cost refreshers are the perfect way to start.


Lately I've been really stressed out about life, I've been sick and also really busy with work and that's the reason why I decided to post this article about relaxation:


1. Wing It Once In a WhileIf you’re ruled by your to-do list, it’s time to learn the art of anything goes. Contradictory as it sounds, you have to schedule spontaneity, at least at first, says life coach Cheryl Richardson, author of The Art of Extreme Self-Care. How? Plan a plan-free day: Put it on your calendar (in pen!) and when the time comes, let your freewheeling, creative, impulsive side call all the shots. Whatever you feel like doing that day, do it—no chores or responsible girl tasks allowed. Wake up and then go right back to bed. Watch a Real Housewives marathon. Spend an embarrassing amount of time on Facebook. Go solo to see that new rom-com your husband scoffs at.


2. Give Yourself a RubdownTwo tennis balls in a tube sock is all you need for a DIY deep-tissue massage. Kristy Yazzi, a massage therapist at Canyon Ranch wellness center in Tucson, Arizona, tells you how: Lie down on the floor or in bed and place it under your lower back with the balls positioned on each side of your spine. Using a slow, continuous movement, roll your body back and forth (toward your head and then toward your feet), letting the tennis balls knead your muscles.


3. Act Like the Kid You WereNeed to destress? Regress. For a guaranteed mood lift, do whatever it was that gave you joy before teen angst changed your world view. “A girl is most connected to her soul, to the things she really loves to do, between the ages of 10 and 13,” says Richardson. Think of a few things you couldn’t live without when you were that age. “I loved digging in the dirt,” says Richardson. “Today I love flowers and gardening.” If you can’t recall any particular activities, take a cue from your children. Who cares if it’s age-inappropriate? That’s the point!


4. Pump Up Your iPodSince music affects your mood (and heart rate and brain waves and dance moves), create a playlist of songs that demand you have a good time, like Sheryl Crow’s “All I Wanna Do,” Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” and pretty much anything by The Go-Go’s.


5. Meditate On the FlyDon’t have a quiet spot to get Zen? You don’t need it. Try mindful meditation, the simple practice of moment-to-moment awareness to quiet the mind and calm the body. Say you’re cutting up veggies for dinner. With each chop, really notice the crunch and vibrant color of the carrots and peppers. Heading out for a walk? Let the rhythm of your footfalls put you in a meditative state. “We have to train our brains to help our bodies relax,” says Marie Steinmetz, MD, who heads an integrative primary care practice in Alexandria, Virginia. If you need an extra hand to find your happy, peaceful place, Dr. Steinmetz recommends listening to guided imagery recordings by psychotherapist Belleruth Naparstek ( HealthJourneys.com).


6. Pay It BackwardGot extra coupons? Offer them to the people in the checkout line behind you. It feels good to do good—and acts of kindness (even mini ones) totally count toward your lifetime karma points.


7. Destress Your Face“Women don’t realize how much tension they carry in their jaw,” says Elizabeth Tanzi, MD, codirector of the Washington Institute of Dermatologic Laser Surgery in Washington, DC. “If you clench a fair amount of the time, over the long run it can cause hypertrophy, or thickening of the muscle on the side of the cheek, and change the shape of your face.” Chin up—it’s easy to relieve the pressure. When you apply moisturizer, gently massage the muscles along your jawline, under your ears, in a circular motion. (It’s easy to find the spot: Clench your jaw and it’ll pop right out.)


8. Redefine DowntimeRid yourself of that stuck-in-a-rut feeling by throwing a wrench into your daily routine. “Downtime is simply any enjoyable deviation from the typical demands of your day,” says psychologist Dan Baker, PhD, author of What Happy Women Know. Look for opportunities to make those precious moments happen—and we really do mean moments. Spend just five minutes on the phone with a friend you haven’t talked to in a while, take the dog for a late-afternoon bonus walk around the block, take a more scenic route on your drive home from work once in a while. “Even a slight change in routine can bring big benefits,” points out Dr. Baker.


9. Channel Carol ChanningThere’s a reason grandes dames like Carol or your sassy great-aunt are so unflappable: Everyday annoyances are no big whoop when you’ve been there, done that. “They’ve learned what’s really important and, when faced with adversity, don’t ask, ‘Why me?’ but ‘How can I learn and grow from this?’” Dr. Baker explains. You’ll get there too…eventually. Until then, try to adopt that “so what” attitude whenever you feel yourself getting riled up about something small. You’ll be amazed at how well it works.


10. Say It to Make It SoRemember the famous line from the movie Field of Dreams? “If you build it, he will come.” The same thinking holds true with your choice of words. “Just as smiling has been shown to change your mood, language can do the same,” says Loretta LaRoche, author of Lighten Up. What you say and how you say it steers your state of mind. So when a friend asks, “How are you?” don’t refer to your usual script (“OK, I guess” or “I’ve got so much to do today”). Instead, say how you want to feel as if you already do (“I’m fantastic!”). “You not only convince others, you convince yourself too,” she says.


11. Take a Power NapYou know you could use it, but you insist on powering through your day anyway. Bad idea, says Jyotsna Sahni, MD, a physician who specializes in sleep medicine and women’s health at Tucson’s Oro Valley Hospital and Canyon Ranch wellness center. Your brain needs a breather in much the same way your muscles do when you are working out. There’s definitely a point where overdoing it leads to diminishing returns. A little shuteye clears the fog and reenergizes you to tackle your daily tasks much more effectively.
But be sure to limit your midafternoon snooze to 20 or 30 minutes (set an alarm just in case), Dr. Sahni says. Any longer and “sleep drunkenness” will make it difficult to rouse from your nap and hard to fall asleep at bedtime.


12. Wake Up with a Hug—Literally!Toss your covers aside, bend your knees, bring them to your chest and hug them close to your body with your arms. Hold the pose for 20 to 50 seconds, then release and repeat, says Yazzi. This stretch hits all the muscles in your body— and it feels great. What better way to start the day?


13. Go to RecessKids get a break during the school day. Why shouldn’t you get one too? So head out to your backyard, plop down on the grass and just chill. One huge advantage of the great outdoors: no power outlets. Just you and nature. Natural environments turn down the static of everyday life, wake up your senses and calm the constantly whirring frontal lobes of your brain.


14. Make Over Your MindsetYou spend your days caring for everyone else, and you know where that leaves you? At the very end of the line. It’s time to give yourself permission to cut the line for your own TLC—and don’t be stingy about it. “There’s a huge difference between self-care and selfishness,” explains Dr. Baker. “If you can’t be good with yourself, then you can’t be your best with others.” In other words, don’t let guilt spoil your self-pampering. Doctor’s orders.


So I guess we should try one at least one of this methods in order to get refreshed without ever leaving the house.


Friday, October 2, 2009

Solange Knowles gets Fabulous for Honey Magazine

Solange is killing it in her new photoshoot for Honey magazine. It’s her very first shoot with her shaved hair:











I like her Style, it is eclectic, bold, but still sexy. Loves it.